Sunday, September 26

been feeling more restless. 
as in literally, i don't sleep well. 
(which sucks, i love sleep about as much as food)
i have been smiling and laughing less
i've been mostly complaining. 

and i don't know how i end up in this situation. 
a situation where i can't quite stand how this guy is spreading himself around.
and constantly imagining, that in a slim chance, 
what he does for me could all be exclusive one day. 
but i know it will never be, 
and reminds me of a sort of emptiness to feel. 

i feel condemned that i'm always bugged by this lonely feeling,
afraid of judgements when i share my current messed up state. 
because i'm not supposed to be in this way. 

(why do i always come here to emo and talk about boring stuff. )

it really sucks. 
i wanna be the person who smiles and laughs a lot,
so much that she radiates and lights up wherever she goes. 
someone full of encouraging words, and positive perspectives.
also free from excessive emotional turbulences.
and i want my damn, good sleep back. 

all these in jesus' name, amen. 

Thursday, September 16

If you have a choice to put some words on your own tombstone for people to remember you by, what would you say?

'michael jackson performance in progress. ow!' hah, cos i'm totally gonna ask for it when i get to heaven/paradise.
('ow' for the sound effect that MJ did.. trying to be funny /:)

shall notice tombstones and think of a wittier comeback for this question. (:

Ask me anything

Monday, September 13

oops, forgot to mention the previous post was based on a 
Nat Geo program called My 911. 
it's mainly of perspectives of various people who were affected by the incident. 
hopefully, i expressed myself well enough to bring my intended message across.

slavery at clarin's has eventually ended. hurray!
i was working a week for some clarin's event at centerpoint. 
centerpoint lei! oozing with ulu-ness. 

today i re-serviced myself a little. 
sometimes you do something so often all the time, 
you don't realize when it mutates into something unintentionally annoying. 
but i will not say what it is about me
in my attempt to be a mysterious, sophisticated person. 
but you get what i mean right? 

(i actually deleted a chunk of insecure confession)

realized that as compared to self centered, being christ centered is easier and better.
so be it.


Sunday, September 12

today's september 11. 
i just watched a documentary on it. 
i don't know why i didn't understand it previously. 
but now there's such a strong feeling. 

i started watching from the part a lady described how it was just any ordinary beautiful normal day. 
she was told to evacuate her office. 
they just want to get out fast but the stairs is too crowded. 
on her way down, firemen were carrying heavy equipments upwards to where they left. 
one of them left an impression on her as they met eyes. 
and she cried when she said that guy probably never made it out alive. 

there was also one photographer, 
he was taking shots of the site when everyone was frantically running for their lives. 
only when the building collapsed, he started running. 
the impact was so great he was flying in the air, 
and there was debris in his mouth. 
he thought he was going to die.
but firemen found him, and even then, he was still carrying his camera,
unwillingly to let it go at all cost. 

the air force was watching the news unfold from their headquarters, 
feeling helpless as they haven't received instructions. 
but they didn't realize they are the only ones who could prevent the next airplane from hitting the wtc again. 
when they finally got moving, they didn't even do safety checks and launched immediately. 

those firemen were heroes, 
they were alive and well, outside the building.
witnessed the crazy plane in building from outside, 
some even alr saved a person and made it out then went back in. 
they did whatever they could;
put their lives at stake.
they could have shirked the responsibility. 
but they knew the people need them. 

after the incident, people sacrificed their sleep to clear the site. 
also hoping that they can find any survivors. 
but it was mainly recovery job. 
when they managed to find a finger or bone, 
they would send it to the hospital for dna.

one guy who interviewed said he cried for days. 
he took it very badly. 
he said 'this cannot be happening in my city'
but he tried hard not to take it in as he has a job to do. 
he would join the guys and help to clear and pick up items. 
nametags, any kind of identification, etc. 
they would work for 16-20 hours, go home, take a rest for 1-2 hours. 
and back to help out again. 
there were notices in the office, people asking 'have you found my son?'
'have u found my mother?'

for the survivors, one of the lady felt blessed, yet also guilty. 
she wondered 'why', why was she saved and not others? 
they hated the sounds of ambulance and fire engines. 

9/11 left a mess. 
even though the site was cleared, it crippled a lot of them. 
they cant forget it, but life still has to go on. 

this happened 9 years ago. 
and slow me finally got a gist of how intense the incident is.
everything just paled in comparison. 
nothing that has happened in my life so far can ever compare to that. 
but i feel guilty for getting annoyed that my family didn't care about 9/11. 
and it's like any issue which is not regarding to terrorism or hungry africans etc, 
just seem like non existent issues.

okay it's been awhile. i feel back to normal alr. 
oh man, this is bad. 
when i was working, i got so tired, everyone getting in my way irked me. 
i will try to change that about myself and become a more refined person. 
(if i was even refined to start with)



Saturday, September 11

Would you rather have the ability to fly, or the ability to breathe underwater?

FLY (: a short moment in the air could be more exciting than an ability to be in water permanently.

Ask me anything

Thursday, September 9

i tried chili crab sub. 
and had eskimo milk tea. 
i'm a contented person. 
btw. eskimo pwns koi.

another thing, i feel things of life are like an accelerating graph. 
u have to build the solid foundation first before u really achieve sth. 
but people usually don't have the patience to invest in the things unseen. 
they want immediate results. 

we've been conditioned to not make mistakes, 
but i cant live that way. 
-unwritten by natasha beddingfield 


Saturday, September 4

do u sometimes feel things are going so fast, 
you're afraid you might just forget who you are, 
and who you wanna be? i do, and it's scary. 
i don't want to be a person i dislike. 
i don't want to become someone who 
only chases down every temporary high to feel satisfied. 
(yes it's the stacie oricco song, more to life haha) 
dammit, i'm grounded for the next two days. 
which happens to be some saturday again. 
it's such a funny trend, i seem to always get grounded on a friggin sat night. 
ooh, just realized katy perry's 25 while her fiance, 
russell brands is 10 years older than her, 35. 
(i know i'm slow lah)
super sleepy alr. it's 5am now. 


Friday, September 3

i feel obliged to update this space. 
but i have no particular topic.
hmm, i love food. and drinks. and movies. and music. 
oh i'm drinking pulpy for the first time now. 
i think it's average, it's not as pulpy as i expected.
teenage dream by katy's stuck in my head. 
i feel i get overly critical when watching a movie. 
sss la, school module. 
i wanted to try the chili crab subway sandwich, 
but it was limited and gone now. 
it has been an eventful month. 
i like being 18 (:


Monday, July 26

in my opinion,

it's loving when your mood doesn't waiver how much you want to protect her. 

it's loving when you want to know how her day went, and how she feel about it

it's loving when you want to know what she had for her meal. 

it's loving when you just want to listen to what she's wants to share (and resisting giving her a piece of your mind unnecessarily.) 

it's loving when you know every good and bad bit of the person and still love her anyway.

it's loving when you save the bigger piece of cake for her, or let her have the more comfortable seat. 

it's loving when it doesn't matter who takes the initiative. 

it's loving when you dedicate a bunch of songs for her in your heart. 

it's loving when you make it a point to say good morning or/and good night. 

it's loving when you take time to spend together, without smoldering anyone.

loving |ˈləvi ng |adjectivefeeling or showing love or great care