today's september 11. 

i just watched a documentary on it. 

i don't know why i didn't understand it previously. 

but now there's such a strong feeling. 

i started watching from the part a lady described how it was just any ordinary beautiful normal day. 

she was told to evacuate her office. 

they just want to get out fast but the stairs is too crowded. 

on her way down, firemen were carrying heavy equipments upwards to where they left. 

one of them left an impression on her as they met eyes. 

and she cried when she said that guy probably never made it out alive. 

there was also one photographer, 

he was taking shots of the site when everyone was frantically running for their lives. 

only when the building collapsed, he started running. 

the impact was so great he was flying in the air, 

and there was debris in his mouth. 

he thought he was going to die.

but firemen found him, and even then, he was still carrying his camera,

unwillingly to let it go at all cost. 

the air force was watching the news unfold from their headquarters, 

feeling helpless as they haven't received instructions. 

but they didn't realize they are the only ones who could prevent the next airplane from hitting the wtc again. 

when they finally got moving, they didn't even do safety checks and launched immediately. 

those firemen were heroes, 

they were alive and well, outside the building.

witnessed the crazy plane in building from outside, 

some even alr saved a person and made it out then went back in. 

they did whatever they could;

put their lives at stake.

they could have shirked the responsibility. 

but they knew the people need them. 

after the incident, people sacrificed their sleep to clear the site. 

also hoping that they can find any survivors. 

but it was mainly recovery job. 

when they managed to find a finger or bone, 

they would send it to the hospital for dna.

one guy who interviewed said he cried for days. 

he took it very badly. 

he said 'this cannot be happening in my city'

but he tried hard not to take it in as he has a job to do. 

he would join the guys and help to clear and pick up items. 

nametags, any kind of identification, etc. 

they would work for 16-20 hours, go home, take a rest for 1-2 hours. 

and back to help out again. 

there were notices in the office, people asking 'have you found my son?'

'have u found my mother?'

for the survivors, one of the lady felt blessed, yet also guilty. 

she wondered 'why', why was she saved and not others? 

they hated the sounds of ambulance and fire engines. 

9/11 left a mess. 

even though the site was cleared, it crippled a lot of them. 

they cant forget it, but life still has to go on. 

this happened 9 years ago. 

and slow me finally got a gist of how intense the incident is.

everything just paled in comparison. 

nothing that has happened in my life so far can ever compare to that. 

but i feel guilty for getting annoyed that my family didn't care about 9/11. 

and it's like any issue which is not regarding to terrorism or hungry africans etc, 

just seem like non existent issues.

okay it's been awhile. i feel back to normal alr. 

oh man, this is bad. 

when i was working, i got so tired, everyone getting in my way irked me. 

i will try to change that about myself and become a more refined person. 

(if i was even refined to start with)

11.09.2001

-munteng