been feeling more restless. 

as in literally, i don't sleep well. 

(which sucks, i love sleep about as much as food)

i have been smiling and laughing less

i've been mostly complaining. 

and i don't know how i end up in this situation. 

a situation where i can't quite stand how this guy is spreading himself around.

and constantly imagining, that in a slim chance, 

what he does for me could all be exclusive one day. 

but i know it will never be, 

and reminds me of a sort of emptiness to feel. 

i feel condemned that i'm always bugged by this lonely feeling,

afraid of judgements when i share my current messed up state. 

because i'm not supposed to be in this way. 

(why do i always come here to emo and talk about boring stuff. )

it really sucks. 

i wanna be the person who smiles and laughs a lot,

so much that she radiates and lights up wherever she goes. 

someone full of encouraging words, and positive perspectives.

also free from excessive emotional turbulences.

and i want my damn, good sleep back. 

all these in jesus' name, amen. 

-munteng