been feeling more restless.
as in literally, i don't sleep well.
(which sucks, i love sleep about as much as food)
i have been smiling and laughing less
i've been mostly complaining.
and i don't know how i end up in this situation.
a situation where i can't quite stand how this guy is spreading himself around.
and constantly imagining, that in a slim chance,
what he does for me could all be exclusive one day.
but i know it will never be,
and reminds me of a sort of emptiness to feel.
i feel condemned that i'm always bugged by this lonely feeling,
afraid of judgements when i share my current messed up state.
because i'm not supposed to be in this way.
(why do i always come here to emo and talk about boring stuff. )
it really sucks.
i wanna be the person who smiles and laughs a lot,
so much that she radiates and lights up wherever she goes.
someone full of encouraging words, and positive perspectives.
also free from excessive emotional turbulences.
and i want my damn, good sleep back.
all these in jesus' name, amen.