Sunday, September 26

been feeling more restless. 
as in literally, i don't sleep well. 
(which sucks, i love sleep about as much as food)
i have been smiling and laughing less
i've been mostly complaining. 

and i don't know how i end up in this situation. 
a situation where i can't quite stand how this guy is spreading himself around.
and constantly imagining, that in a slim chance, 
what he does for me could all be exclusive one day. 
but i know it will never be, 
and reminds me of a sort of emptiness to feel. 

i feel condemned that i'm always bugged by this lonely feeling,
afraid of judgements when i share my current messed up state. 
because i'm not supposed to be in this way. 

(why do i always come here to emo and talk about boring stuff. )

it really sucks. 
i wanna be the person who smiles and laughs a lot,
so much that she radiates and lights up wherever she goes. 
someone full of encouraging words, and positive perspectives.
also free from excessive emotional turbulences.
and i want my damn, good sleep back. 

all these in jesus' name, amen. 

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