Friday, November 20

My runaway love by Evil Kitteh on Deviantart

I almost ran away from home. 
Epic right. 
But i'm serious. 
Had a major argument with my dad. 
And i still feel it's his fault. 
Cos anything that goes wrong in the family, the dad has the most responsibilities. 
It's not my fault it's my fault. 
It's yours. You didn't bring me up well. 
You didn't protect me. You didn't educate me enough. 
You didn't convince me enough why i should listen to you. 
It's all your fault because you are the leader of the family. 
I dislike him for not doing his job well. 
I cannot forgive his imperfections. 

Timeline of the event goes: 
I called my mum asking if i could stay over at my gf's place. she said no. 
Then i asked to talk to my dad, imagining he would be more understanding. 
But no, he's never consistent. So he happened not to agree on that. 
Which i found unreasonable. 
Hello, i'm not going to elope with a boyfriend to Africa right. 
It's my bestfriend whom you also know. 
I happen not to be a lesbian so any sexual activities are unlikely as well.
So i argued. my point was it's my life so you should give me good reasons for interfering with my interests. 
But instead of coming with a good reason, he got mad and threatened to sent me to juvenile prison. 
Also mentioned our relationship has been improving but then i always have to keep ruining it. 
Who me? Oh okay, so it's all my fault now. 
After which, he got really really mad then kept asking if i wanted to go home or not. 
As a threat of course. 
In that tone in which if you say yes, he'll explode and say 'fine! don't ever step into the house again!'
Of course i didn't answer and kept beating about the bush, angrily. Then he cut my call. 
Then my mum called me back, she kept asking me to go home. 
Until i heard my dad yelling in the background saying i was useless. 
Then i snapped and said i won't be coming home. Like this: 
"Forget it! I'm not going home alr!" -CUT-
Epic right 

Then my mum called a gazillion times, okay no, maybe just about 20-30 times. 
and 5 smses. 

I was really confused. It felt so difficult to go home, so easy to just go hachi's place and then from there work my way. 
But i was afraid my actions would cause permanent damages that i might regret. 
I talked to my god sis.
She's always been a blessing to me. 
So she pointed out things i could take note of while making my decisions. 
I love the way she clears some confusion for me. 
She never forces her thinking one me, but suggests them subtilely.
She respects my decision, whichever it can be. 
Which really helps me. Cos i never like pressure. 
I never like it when someone forces down their ideology on me. 
I prefer to go my own way, without having to listen to anyone. 
I guess i'm afraid to do things just to please without really listening to my heart. 
Anyway, she reminded me of how my mum might need me, with the possibility of my dad giving her a hard time, and me not returning home will not help. 
It was also a chance for me to show how much i care for the family, instead of just talk. 

I also felt bad that i made hachi wait for me for a horribly long time. and ended up not going to her place. 
She looked disappointed. 
But i trust it is normal to be disappointed and she will continue supporting me as she always did. 

My mum picked me up from downstairs. 
I was expecting something else, but my mum starting to preach to me about how my dad was just being himself, and i cannot possibly just get angry with him for this small matter, and i should tolerate a little more since i'm not far from freedom. and others. 
i didn't half absorb what she said. 
It really wasn't the right time. 
I was still fuming at my dad. At least let me fume finish? 
She said we owe it to him, it is because of his contributions that's how we manage to cope. 
And i thought we probably also owe it to him that's why we are stuck in mediocrity. 
Without him, things won't be like this, she says. 
I agree, things could even have been better
She also said i cannot possibly hate him all my life right? he's still my dad. and afterall he still contributed to my growth and it is because of him that's why i exist. 
I thought, i can hate him all my life. i don't need to care a damn about how much he contributed. I feel what i want to. what can u do if i don't appreciate your efforts. toooooo bad. i will repent when i feeeeel like it. 
Oh and she says what about financially, how are you going to support yourself? 
And she joked, are you going to get a boyfriend then leech off him, then he leaves after 2-3 months?
I thought, yeah i am going to do that. In fact, i'm going to get a sugar daddy. if one leaves, i'll find another, and i shall live my life like this. 
okay joking. i'm not that cheap. 
But i will work for money. Then attend school. i will work everyday. which gives me at least 1k a month. then when i realize it's not enough to feed my vanity self, i will decide to kidnap Robert Pattinson. 

Yeah i just thought, i didn't say anything in fact. 
God told me to keep my mouth shut. i did. 
and i feel real thankful for it. 
i know what i would say and it will totally not help the situation. 

Now i'm home. Feeling really sleepy. Also wondering why am i blogging about this so lightheartedly. 
Maybe cos i did the right thing? Maybe. I don't know. Keep feeling i should have just not returned.

"The explanation is always longer when there isn't any." Robert Brault. 

[xoxo] Made In Love 

No comments:

Post a Comment